This little celebration is getting way out of hand.

I went to the Notting Hill Carnival two years ago and had a great time. I travelled light, boogied like there was no tomorrow, drank tropical concotions, eat god knows what, and got home (eventually!) exhilared and enlightened from a veritable whirlwind of cultural experiences.

I went again last year.

Different story.

I was planning to meet a friend there - so I took my mobile. This then led to me taking a rucksack - so I could keep my hands free.

The journey was sheer Hell as several million travellers packed onto the underground - all heading the same way. It was hot and stuffy and very claustophobic.

This was, of course nothing compared to Notting Hill itself. Due to the mass of people, I found myself being swept along rather than choosing a route.

I also queued for an hour to use a toilet with no paper surrounded by pints of wee and used towels (no boys, not hand towels).

I arrived at the first band playing from a roof terrace above the crowd. It was a lively scene so I thought I'd join in. Within seconds I was sucked into the mass being pushed and jostled from every side.

I felt someone push me from behind and immediately feared for my wallet and phone, but I was absolutely jammed in and couldn't move. I actually felt someone open my bag and shove their hand in - right against my back.

I turned to see a man pull a fistfull of my belongings out of my bag. Undeterred, he simply ducked down and disappeared into the crowd.

I felt so helpless. I had purposefully stashed all my valuables in the zip compartment on the inner side of my rucksack, right against my back, IN ORDER that I would feel it if someone tried to go for my stuff.

Well, they did - and I was right - I did feel it.

What I didn't bargain for was the thief not giving a monkeys whether I saw him or not.

I went into a kind of state of shock - like I'd been mugged rather than just pickpocketed. I'd seen him do it.

I looked at the ground and saw what I thought was my wallet. I went to get it - only to find that it wasn't mine! There was also a travel pass that wasn't mine and plenty of other personal possessions that weren't mine either.

Luckily, I had got away without my wallet being stollen - it was actually still hanging out of my bag, when I checked!

I found a policeman eventually and reported the crime. Sadly he didn't take down any details as he didn't see it as a big enough crime. In fact he said that I should just expect that sort of thing here - and my best bet would be to cancel the phone credit then get on with enjoying the day. Easy enough to say!

I tried to enjoy myself but my heart just wasn't in it - as I remembered all the numbers that I only had in that phone!

As the day went on, I found whole alleyways littered with empty wallets, bags and purses.

When I decided to abandon the day and head home, I found all the streets cordonned off - including one that was taped off as a murder scene.

It took roughly four hours to get home.

After the initial news coverage of the 'success' - it came to light that there had been several stabbings at the event, including at least one death. The entire area was trashed with litter and vandalised property.

So, my advise to you lot this year is:

a) Don't go!

or

b) Don't take any valuables - just a day travelcard and coins in your front pocket.

Never challenge a pickpocketer.

Take your own loo paper.